Adventures in Mormonism

In my wanderings through the bloggernacle over the past year or so, I’ve noticed two general trends of commentary (criticism, really) regarding LDS sacrament meetings:

• Our meetings lack the reverence, formality and solemnity of, say, Catholic mass or most Anglican/Episcopalian services
• Our meetings lack the vibrant joy, musical diversity, and audience participation of Evangelical or African-American churches

Which, of course, just goes to prove that there’s no pleasing everyone or possibly anyone. :-)  ..bruce..

No, this is not the next posting on LDS exobiology. Through my usual morning blog-browsing, I ran across this site that characterizes the three major groups of aliens that have contact with Earth, then goes on to note that the Mormons are in cahoots with the aliens!  A sample:

Now, before relating the following account, let me say something about the Mormon Church system, within which this writer was raised… This church was created by a man named Joseph Smith, however the REAL power behind its growth was John C. Bennett, who was apparently one of many Scottish Rite agents assigned to infiltrate the various religious movements of the world. If one does a thorough study of the Masonic connections to major denominations they may discover some surprises (for instance Norman Vincent Peale was a 33rd degree mason, as were the founders of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Theosophy, Scientology, Unitarianism, and so on).

The Scottish Rite, incidentally, was created by Jesuits and Masons at the Parisian college of Clermont. Dr. John Coleman states that 13 Maltese Jesuits, 13 Wicca Masons and 13 Black Nobility members make up the 39 members of the Bildeberger group, ultimately controlled by the BAVARIAN Illuminati through the Scottish Rite.

The Master Mason John C. Bennett convinced Smith to sell out to the Masonic lodge (Scottish Rite) and Bennett worked to establish an “Order of the Illuminati” within Mormonism, according to Klaus Hansen’s book “QUEST FOR EMPIRE”. Mormonism became a hybrid religion between Christianity (worship of the “Lamb”) and gnostic Scottish Rite Masonry (worship of the “Serpent”).

Even today the Mormon masses in Utah believe that they are “Christians”, and even the majority of the “Council of 12″ - unknown to the most of its membership - are actually controlled by the Scottish Rite “Council of 50″ behind the scenes. These “Insiders” allow only the oldest members of the outer “Council of 12″ to become President of the Church. Apparently the older these council members are the less likely they will be to discern what is going on behind the scenes, to make waves or make changes, or challenge the hidden Scottish Rite infiltrators and controllers.

Hey! The Council of 50! I was wondering when we’d bring that back.

But wait — it gets better. Here are the breathless secrets divulged by a genuine “Utah researcher”:

“You most likely have heard of the Mormon Church, LDS, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, here in Utah, of which they control the total state in all fields and phases of human endeavors. They have built temples in 100 countries. The missionaries in all these countries, including the USA, work with the CIA.

“As the missionaries can get into countries where the CIA cannot, they collect information on the people and everything of any and all nature, the countries’ government and all their activities. All this world-wide information is shared with the CIA and it is fed into three of the largest computers in the world, church-owned, here in Salt Lake City (these reportedly fill the entire top 2 or 3 floor-levels of the “Church Office Building” in Salt Lake City - Branton). This church is one of the most powerful and rich organizations in the world today. It has one of the largest and secret police force[s] in the world. I have collected this kind of information for 45 years.

“The above is not all they are into. A high official of this church was recently kicked out of the church as he got too snoopy and asked too many questions. He came to me a few months ago and told me what happened. He said that HIS LIFE HAD BEEN THREATENED if he told anyone of what he had found out. So he told me that if anything happened to him, to release the information he gave me. THIS INFORMATION CONCERNS A GIANT CAVERN BENEATH SALT LAKE CITY AND THE WASATCH MOUNTAIN RANGE. IT GOES NORTH TO IDAHO AND SOUTH CLEAR DOWN PAST THE ARIZONA LINE, WITH OFFSHOOTS WEST INTO NEVADA AND EAST INTO COLORADO.

“This cavern has been common knowledge for over 120 years. Many cases over the years [have] appeared in the newspapers of people and groups of people going into the cavern, but never coming out. Several [who] did find their way out, were hopelessly insane. At least that’s what the newspaper said about them.

“At present the Archaeological Dept. of Utah are down in southeastern Utah looking for a certain entrance into this cavern, that [a] fellow by the name of John Brewer of Manti, Utah, discovered around 30 years ago (around 1960 - Branton). He brought out of the cavern quite a few ancient plates of an unknown language. Some of the plates were gold, some silver, brass, copper and clay. He also saw many strange things he won’t talk about, such as what he thought were weapons of crystal.

“His son was TORTURED AND KILLED by some unknown person or persons trying to force the secrets out of him. The church wanted the plates in the worst way - they still do.

“The information I was given by this former member of the Church IS VERY CLOSE TO BEING THE SAME AS [the information that has surfaced concerning] DULCE, NEW MEXICO. Like he told me, “After all, where on earth would be a better contact point for aliens than Utah, with thousands of miles of deserts and places not even on the present day maps. Plus a large and powerful organization with hospitals, schools and universities where aliens could undergo physical changes, educated in our languages and customs, using research labs, some of the best in the United States. A lot of GENETIC EXPERIMENTS AND RESEARCH is also going on here in different laboratories.”

And, yes, there’s more, but I’ll only quote one more paragraph:

In this case the statement that this activity - taking place within the massive cavern-systems below the Wasatch Front of the Western Rockies - is a “U.S. Government Operation” would only be a half-truth. It should also be recognized that there is a “Melchizedek” order which is active within the Mormon Church, the Masonic Lodge and the Mt. Shasta Community, all three of which apparently have some connection with the Utah underground. This does not mean that all “Melchizedeks” are presently collaborating with the Reptilian Grays - Branton).

You’ll have to go read the rest for yourself. And watch out for the Danites!  ..bruce..

No, really.

Courtesy of Dave Barry (yes, that Dave Barry) comes this link to a website that promises — for a fee — to send e-mails and do electronic delivery of documents to a list of people once the Rapture occurs:

You’ve Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends For Christ. Imagine being in the presence of the Lord and hearing all of heaven rejoice over the salvation of your loved ones. It is our prayer that this site makes it happen.

We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

We give you 150mb of encrypted storage that can be sent to 12 possible email addresses, in Box #1. You up load any documents and choose which documents go to who. You can edit these documents at any time and change the addresses they will be sent to as needed. Box #1 is for personal private information such as “passwords” and letters to be sent to your closest lost relatives and friends.

We give you another 100mb. of unencrypted storage that can be sent to up to 50 email addresses, in Box #2. You can edit the documents and the addresses any time. Box #2 is for more generic documents to lost family & friends.

The cost is $40 for the first year. Re-subscription will be reduced as the number of subscribers increases. Tell your friends about You’ve Been left behind.

First off, let me be clear: I’m not mocking this site. In fact, it strikes me as a logical step given a firm belief in a pre-tribulation Rapture — at least as long as you believe that those ‘left behind’ still have a shot at repentance. And if you do, it seems to me that the fact of the Rapture itself — not to mention the tribulation that would follow it — would probably do a whole lot more to cause folks to repent than getting a post-Rapture e-mail from someone who was taken. But if I earnestly believed in a pre-tribulation Rapture and post-Rapture repentance, I might well look into this. (Besides, the site itself seems to indicate that this can also be used to give key information to those left behind, e.g., accounts, passwords, and so on.)

I have no proof one way or the other whether this site is serious or a joke; a ‘whois’ investigation turned up little information other than that the domain was registered via godaddy.com. Only time will tell.

Of course, the LDS view is different. We believe in an post-tribulation Rapture (though we seldom call it by that name) that will occur at Christ’s coming. We also believe that those caught up to meet Christ at his coming will then come back down to earth — still mortal — and start the long task of cleaning up the mess we’ve made of things down here.

faith-promoting story — Any story that makes you feel glad you’re a Mormon, even if you can’t bring yourself to believe it.

– Orson Scott Card, Saintspeak: A Mormon Dictionary (Orion Books, 1981)

Of course, the question is — is there some equivalent notification system for Latter-day Saints? A “don’t tell anyone, but I’ve got to attend a meeting at Adam-ondi-Ahman” system? The problem with that is that not only do Mormons have a hard time keeping secrets in the first place, we tend to make up more than actually exist (”faith promoting rumors”).

Beyond that, the Church itself is so well wired and organized that it already has the infrastructure to get out any notification worldwide in a matter of hours. Besides, the meeting at Adam-ondi-Ahman will probably be broadcast via satellite.

Other suggestions or comments? ..bruce..

As I type this, the news channel is blaring with filler waiting for Barack Obama to comment publicly on his announcement early today that he’s leaving the Trinity Unity Church of Christ, presumably as a consequence of the videotape of Father Michael Pfleger’s sermon in which he mentions Hillary Clinton. Obama has been attending Trinity for 20 years, and so questions are being raised about “what does he know now that he didn’t know then?”

Here’s the thought experiment that springs to mind: suppose Mitt Romney announced that he was leaving the LDS Church. Do you think that the media, or the Political Left, or the Religious Right would simply assume that he had truly abandoned LDS beliefs and history? What would Romney have to say and do in order for these groups to accept his word that he truly rejected the LDS Church? Burn his temple recommend? Drink wine and coffee in public? Ask to have his name removed from Church records?

And if he did all this, what would these groups then say about his integrity, judgment, and honesty?

On the other hand, how would Romney (say he were the GOP VP candidate) react if reporters started attending his home ward meetings and taking notes about Sacrament meeting talks and Sunday School/Priesthood lessons? (I suspect his reaction would be to sic the missionaries on them, but still….) And I’m sure that he’s be more than thrilled if they started listening to General Conference.

Comments? ..bruce..

In a ruling that likely surprises no one except for the Texas department of Child Protective Services, the Texas Supreme Court has ordered that all 440 children removed from the FLDS Yearning for Zion compound be returned to their parents:

The Texas Supreme Court has ruled that the children taken from a polygamist sect’s ranch should be returned to their parents, saying child welfare officials overstepped their authority.

The high court on Thursday affirmed a decision by the appellate court last week, saying Child Protective Services failed to show an immediate danger to the children.

The ruling directs a lower-court judge to reverse her decision putting the children into foster case. The appeals court ordered the judge to return the children to the parents soon but it is unclear exactly when that will happen.

While I don’t agree with FLDS doctrine or culture, I do think that it’s pretty clear that TCPS seriously overstepped its authority and profoundly botched this whole issue.

Here’s the actual Texas Supreme Court decision (PDF; hat tip to The Volokh Conspiracy).  ..bruce..